Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
