The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
