you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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