Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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