Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
