I'm jealous of your bromance
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
