so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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