The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
