ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
