is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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