I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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