Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
