Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
