dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
