you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish they made helmets for livers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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