Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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