i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
