this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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