So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
