Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
