I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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