new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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