so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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