she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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