I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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