If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
