I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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