Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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