hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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