I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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