How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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