I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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