Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
