Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
