Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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