I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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