I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
