Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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