I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
