New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my shit smells like andre
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
