And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
