I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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