I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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