Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
