Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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