That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
