She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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