Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
