but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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