ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
